In modern society, the topic of people with disabilities is deeply taboo. Despite the fact that inclusiveness is trying to take its rightful place, the countries of the post-Soviet space prefer to create "reserves for the disabled", cutting off people with disabilities from real life.
A few years ago, like most people, I pretended that people with disabilities did not exist. No, of course, as a reasonable person, I realized that they must be somewhere, and even saw them with my own eyes, but immediately deleted the unpleasant picture from my mind. After all, I wanted to see only beauty and strive for perfection, and special people spoiled my “ideal” picture of the world.
Meet Sasha
But any rose-colored glasses are removed one day, revealing the truth. In my case, everything went smoothly and painlessly. Sasha became an important source of truth for me. I first saw it on my computer screen while watching a video about the opening of Happy Home. The appearance of the guy confused and scared me a little, however, very soon I forgot about him.
But after a couple of months I had a chance to personally meet Sasha. Of course, then I shyly averted my eyes and felt a certain awkwardness. But soon she gave way to curiosity, because we had the opportunity to get to know each other better.
Once I happened to stay "on the farm" in the house where Sasha used to live. We cooked dinner together, kept the house clean and talked almost all day long. To say I was surprised is an understatement. In front of me was an incredibly diligent, decent five-year-old boy with a strong inner core in the unusual body of a 24-year-old man. At that moment, my world changed a little, irrevocably.
False start or "Sasha will live with you"
Once our neighbor said: "Sasha will live with you, because there is a free room here". Moreover, neither Sasha himself nor his official guardian knew about this. But the idea was launched into space, and the guy's bed moved into my house. At that moment, I was generally not ready for additional people on my territory, and even more so for a man with the consciousness of a child, and the thought of the future living together caused a wave of anger and rejection. But, as they say, everything has its time. And as it turned out, it came very soon.
One family
After all, half a year has not passed since the official guardian of Alexander became my husband, and therefore his ward became a full-fledged member of our new family. To my surprise, Sasha easily fit into the formed cell of society and became our eighth child. Of course, the magic did not happen, and deep affection was not going to arise yet, but living together did not cause any inconvenience.
Shock therapy or Once in Kalinovka
A real revolution in my mind occurred when I first visited the Chernihiv psycho-neurological institution in the village. Kalinovka, this is where Sasha lived 20 years of his life. After this visit, I could no longer look away at the sight of people with disabilities. Now I saw in each of them a personality imprisoned in a body that is difficult to control, commands to this body are given by the brain, which, due to various circumstances, cannot work as it should. But their eyes, smiles, gestures, emotions… They are real and have a lot of meaning.
I was driving home, immersed in silence, tears treacherously welling up in my eyes, and something prevented me from breathing, squeezing my chest. It was at that moment that I accepted Sasha, realized that his place was in the family, and it was good that he was with us. Thus began to form a real deep affection. Of course, serious feelings are still very far away, but acceptance, respect have come, and a desire to take care has appeared, in general, now Sasha has truly become a member of the family.
People with disabilities through the eyes of children
I am pleased with the innocence of small children. In the same Kalinovka there are two "Happy Houses", where children with free disability (former psycho-neurological institution teachers) live with their foster parents or pecuns. Our kids love to go to Kalinovka. There they play with local children, understanding the sounds they make, they have fun together riding on the swings, driving cars, playing catch, etc. They see, that children are unusual, but this does not frighten them, does not embarrass and does not interfere with joint games. But older children already have prejudices, fear and rejection. In general, everything is like in adults.
Hence the conclusion, if a child communicates with special people from early childhood, then he learns to perceive the characteristics of each without fear, criticism and the desire to "bury his head in the sand".
Babies + Sasha = friends
In our family, Sasha made friends with three younger children. Together they learn letters, put together words from fridge magnets, solve primitive mathematical examples, draw, color and play. Sasha loves to sing. He has excellent hearing. Its development corresponds to our 5-6 year old toddlers. And you know, our eldest kid is happy that he has a family, there are parents and siblings who accept him.
Instead of a conclusion
What does this story tell us? Probably about the fact that every person needs a home and people who accept it. Of course, life with a person with a disability requires additional emotional costs, but there are no horrors here, only an unusual appearance, voice and strange logic, but you can live with it. Natural non-judgmental communication with special people makes each of us a little kinder.
